Obscurorant 2.0

I didn’t think it was possible, but somehow John Wayne and Howard Hawks combined to make a dull movie. I like the Duke and Hawks, but Hatari was one long snooze fest.

You can count on a Hawks’ movie to feature two, if not three of the following elements: a loosely structured plot; a close-knit group of folks performing a task or task under trying circumstances; and a man and woman engaging in a courtship that vaguely resembles a cease-fire negotiation. Rio Bravo and To Have and Have Not contain all three of the above elements.

So does Hatari. Unfortunately. The plot of a Hawk’s movie usually contains a simple proposition, such as ‘Will the Resistance Leader escape?’ that keeps the scenes loosely connected and the story moving forward.. In Hatari, when not bantering with one another, the characters chase animals in jeeps to no over-all discernable purpose. Outside of Wayne, the group of close-knit comrades is either serviceable but boring (Hardy Kruger and some French guy) or wince-inducing (Red Buttons). The romantic plot line - well actually the two romantic plot lines - lack any sort of spark at all.

Hatari is a film to avoid. Even Rio Lobo was better, and with so many great Hawks films available, there’s no reason to ever subject yourself to this one.

So I’m listening to a podcast interview with Julie Andrews and I realize I’ve never seen The Sound of Music. My question to you, my half-dozen or so readers, becomes: is this something I should rectify? Or something for which I should be thankful?

Over at Welcome To LA they’re having a Burt-A-Thon, which I recommend you check out immediately. Especially since today’s entry is devoted to giving the classic Smokey and the Bandit its full measure of respect. I’ve long felt that Smokey is among the finest of Reynold’s movies, far superior to say, Cannonball Run, in large part due to the presence of the Great One - a factor Welcome To LA emphasizes:

Reynolds gets his finest foil in Jackie Gleason’s Sheriff Buford T. Justice, the Coyote to Bandit’s Road Runner. According to Reynolds, Gleason wrote a lot of his part. He’s impossible to resist as he does his Jackie strut and stroll, with that lightfooted dancer’s touch and those delicate, hilarious movements of fingers and arms (watch the way he holds the CB speaker; it’s like he’s balancing a very dry martini.) He’s just as good when he boils over with indignation and screams “Sumbitch!” Needham comes up with great physical bits to surround Gleason, especially the police car that keeps losing pieces as he chases the Bandit for taking off with the would-be bride of Justice’s dimwitted son (played with a sweet, quiet befuddlement by Mike Henry.)”

Go on and read the rest.

There’s all sorts of things going on these days to which I can hardly bear to pay attention. First we have the Oscar nominations, which I will do my level best to ignore. Not because I have a blessed thing against the Oscars in general, but I simply can’t see my way to enduring a film like Atonement* or Michael Clayton, and thus can’t really offer an informed opinion on the matter.

Then there is the Presidential race which, as an informed citizen, I am obligated to mind. I’d say this crop of candidates seems exceptionally squalid, but I probably say that every election cycle.

Also, get off my lawn you darn kids.

*I have a general policy against period films featuring English people, their country houses and their servants, which has preserved me from much agony over the years.

I watched 300 Sunday night and I have to say it was pretty damn silly. The film looked cool, but it was also full of people shouting - always shouting - very bad dialogue very loudly. I’m still scratching my head as to how a story as inspiring and stirring as that of Leonidas and Thermopylae could be turned into something so overwrought and bombastic. Even the battle scenes were ridiculous. A friend described the gist of the movie, quite accurately as ‘Spartans talk about kicking ass, said ass kicking occurs, Spartans talk about kicking some more ass, more ass kicking occurs, Spartans all die.’

So there you have it. For those interested, a better account of those event can be found in Steven Pressfield’s excellent novel Gates of Fire. And if you’re in need of a movie about a battle against overwhelming odds, rent Zulu.

This past weekend I had occasion to venture down to the Fore River Shipyard, in order to catch the shuttle to George’s Island in Boston Harbor. I’ve written before of the Shipyard’s role in American naval history and while waiting on the dock I tried to imagine what the place was like during its hey day. Of course it’s largely empty now, with cranes and other industrial equipment rusting away in the shadow of the Fore River bridge while the U.S.S. Salem rides forever at anchor, but during the Second World War about three hundred thousand men - roughly three times the current population of Quincy - toiled here. All sorts of folks must have passed through Quincy, from welders to Admirals - and also actors.

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The main problem with Fresh Air, is, of course, Terry Gross - I just find her style vaguely irritating. But she has on so many interesting guests it’s difficult to stop listening. For example, I just heard her interview with Brian Cox. Now I wrote some time ago about my ‘discovery’ of Mr. Cox, and since then I’ve enjoyed his work in Deadwood as well as films like Manhunter. So I quite enjoyed hearing him talk of working with John Gielgud and Lawrence Olivier, among other things.

Attention must be paid, my peeps, as the planets are aligning in a Hollywood style conjunction. Today is the 30th anniversary of the release of Star Wars, while tomorrow while marks John Wayne’s centenary. I am here to tell you how to observe these High Holidays… by watching movies of course.

Try this double feature: Rio Bravo, the Howard Hawks feature starring John Wayne and Dean Martin, followed by The Empire Strikes Back, easily the best of the Star Wars films. The connection? As I’ve mentioned before, both films were written by Leigh Brackett. So, compare and contrast… and enjoy.

UPDATE: Somehow it previously escaped my notice that this week also marked the centennial birthday of Herge, creator of Tintin. I spent hours devouring Tintin’s exploits as a kid; recently I re-acquired several volumes of said adventures at a very reasonable price, courtesy of Rodney’s Bookstore.

Anyway - this is obviously a very auspicious week.

May 26th will be the 100th birthday of one of my favorite actors, John Wayne. Here’s 50 things about the Duke to get you in the proper frame of mind.

(lva)

Since I am feeling nostalgic and contradictory today, the following is a list of Disney movie titles that I recall without being sure I ever actually saw, while feeling great sadness that ‘they don’t make movies like this anymore.’ With annotations.

Hot Lead & Cold Feet - Did this have Don Knotts in it? ‘Cause it should have.
The Shaggy D.A. - I think maybe I did see this one. It starred Annette Funicello, right?
Treasure Island - I definitely saw this one. Maybe.
Candleshoe - I saw Candleshoe, in the theater, but I have stronger memories of the preview that preceded it - for Charlton Heston’s Grey Lady Down.
That Darn Cat - I just like to say this one out loud.
The Gnome Mobile - This title has a charming awkwardness about it that suggests the publicist was hung over.
The Parent Trap - Not the Lindsay Lohan version. I always confuse this one with Please Don’t Eat The Daisies, which in my memory aired frequently on Channel 56. I could also be thinking of the Cheaper By The Dozen.
Darby O’Gill and the Little People - Sean Connery wishes he had done a porno instead.
20,000 Leagues Under The Sea - This was a badass movie. I think I’m going to add it to my Netflix queue.
The Cat From Outer Space - Another one I like to say out loud. Or make restaurant reservations under.
The Ugly Dachsund - Wow, do you see a trend here? George Lucas working from the same ‘bare-bones’ title philosophy would have brought us The Lightsabre Guy instead of Star Wars.
The Shaggy Dog - I’m drawing a blank with this one.
Charlie the Lonesome Cougar - Disney children’s film, or Skinemax soft core? You decide.
The Boatniks - I think I remember the commercials for this, or at least the theme song which involved yelling ‘The Booaat - Niks!’ a lot.
The Apple Dumpling Gang - Surely Don Knotts was in this?
The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes - Pure awesomeness. A declarative sentence and an archaic term, all in one title. Truly the art of naming movies has dwindled in our time.
Those Calloways - … make no sense at all.
Unidentified Flying Oddball - It is with great shame I recall how desperate I was to see this movie in the third grade, so desperate that I ordered the novelization from the Scholastic book club and read it. Repeatedly. Oh, the humanity.

I’ve long held that no DVD collection is complete without a copy of Red Dawn, a movie that combined the best elements of Cold War paranoia and the Brat Pack to create the ultimate 80s movie. Point Break and Road House are also fine B-movies. So I am glad to see someone else give a nod to The Swayze.